slamdunk
Moderator
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Rules of Montana , Wyoming , Idaho, Utah and Texas , and
the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1 Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2 Turn your cap right, your head ain't
crooked.
3 Let's get this straight: it's called
a 'gravel road' I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get
dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-15 goes north and
south. Pick one.
5 So you have a $60,000 car. We're
impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3
weeks a year.
6 Every person in the Wild West waves. It's
called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7 If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ ducks/doves are comin' in during the
hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8 Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You
really want sushi and caviar you can get them at the bait
store on the corner.
9 The 'Opener' refers to the first day
of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the
closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied
to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian
special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three
main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We
don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it
better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring
'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as
important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't
hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have
State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and
country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
home for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines than all of you put together, so
don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get whipped
by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't
want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug
dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'
'I don't believe in the Devil.' 'You should, he believes in you.' - Constantine
the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1 Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2 Turn your cap right, your head ain't
crooked.
3 Let's get this straight: it's called
a 'gravel road' I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get
dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-15 goes north and
south. Pick one.
5 So you have a $60,000 car. We're
impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3
weeks a year.
6 Every person in the Wild West waves. It's
called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7 If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ ducks/doves are comin' in during the
hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8 Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You
really want sushi and caviar you can get them at the bait
store on the corner.
9 The 'Opener' refers to the first day
of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the
closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied
to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian
special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three
main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We
don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it
better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring
'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as
important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't
hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have
State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and
country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
home for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines than all of you put together, so
don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get whipped
by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't
want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug
dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'
'I don't believe in the Devil.' 'You should, he believes in you.' - Constantine
