I usually don't laugh a lot at my own stuff
but d@mn this made me chuckle. All in good
fun my friends here from Utah.
?Twas the night before Christmas, in my Utard house
With six whining kids, and an underage spouse.
The deer heads were hung, and all were illegal
Gut shot at night, and tracked by a beagle.
The guns were nestled, in the cab of the truck
With visions of big antlers, on a milk-lipped buck.
A trophy?s not likely, ask the DWR
Backed by the SFW, and its pocket-lined czar.
Now Mamma?s in camo, and me in overalls
I yelled at the youngens, ?let's go huntin? ya?lls?.
When all of a sudden, came a knock at the door
I climbed of?f the Mrs., and I hit the floor.
I crawled to the window, through the filth and trash
Was it my fifth wife, looking for cash?
Or maybe the hottie, from the peep show
She cares not I'm married, I'm Mormon you know.
Through the glow of the spotlights, filling the night
I could see Warden Kringle, I was in for a fight.
With yells and curses, his anger came
He swore and hollered, and called us by name.
?Come out Bubba!, now Junior!, now Ethel and Cooter!
On Darell! on Lulu! on Stella and Scooter!?
There were feds on the porch, on top of the wall
Even Claude Dallas, couldn't save us all.
When up to the trailer top, the warden flew
The size of Dumbo, fattened by brew.
He was immense, his desk job to blame
The donuts and chips, he ate without shame.
Then came a thump, up on our shack
I knew the big guy, was flat on his back.
The roof buckled and sagged, under his weight
Then he crashed to the floor, and sealed his fate.
His cold eyes bugged out, with bloody veins
The silver badge, tarnished by mustard stains.
His diet had killed him, or maybe the fall
This fat Barney Fife, had made his last call.
We circled around him, and started to stare
When Junior chimed in, ?No ground shrinkage there?.
Through the front door, the others came
All pointing fingers, at who's to blame.
With the outcome of us ?Tards, tied up in court
This Bubba and family, still night huntin? for sport.
We had a nice Christmas, with deer o?plenty
Mamma shot twelve, and I shot twenty.
Now the fridge has no beer, not a drop in sight
But in spite of it all, to all a good night!
Merry Chistmas!
bFc
but d@mn this made me chuckle. All in good
fun my friends here from Utah.
?Twas the night before Christmas, in my Utard house
With six whining kids, and an underage spouse.
The deer heads were hung, and all were illegal
Gut shot at night, and tracked by a beagle.
The guns were nestled, in the cab of the truck
With visions of big antlers, on a milk-lipped buck.
A trophy?s not likely, ask the DWR
Backed by the SFW, and its pocket-lined czar.
Now Mamma?s in camo, and me in overalls
I yelled at the youngens, ?let's go huntin? ya?lls?.
When all of a sudden, came a knock at the door
I climbed of?f the Mrs., and I hit the floor.
I crawled to the window, through the filth and trash
Was it my fifth wife, looking for cash?
Or maybe the hottie, from the peep show
She cares not I'm married, I'm Mormon you know.
Through the glow of the spotlights, filling the night
I could see Warden Kringle, I was in for a fight.
With yells and curses, his anger came
He swore and hollered, and called us by name.
?Come out Bubba!, now Junior!, now Ethel and Cooter!
On Darell! on Lulu! on Stella and Scooter!?
There were feds on the porch, on top of the wall
Even Claude Dallas, couldn't save us all.
When up to the trailer top, the warden flew
The size of Dumbo, fattened by brew.
He was immense, his desk job to blame
The donuts and chips, he ate without shame.
Then came a thump, up on our shack
I knew the big guy, was flat on his back.
The roof buckled and sagged, under his weight
Then he crashed to the floor, and sealed his fate.
His cold eyes bugged out, with bloody veins
The silver badge, tarnished by mustard stains.
His diet had killed him, or maybe the fall
This fat Barney Fife, had made his last call.
We circled around him, and started to stare
When Junior chimed in, ?No ground shrinkage there?.
Through the front door, the others came
All pointing fingers, at who's to blame.
With the outcome of us ?Tards, tied up in court
This Bubba and family, still night huntin? for sport.
We had a nice Christmas, with deer o?plenty
Mamma shot twelve, and I shot twenty.
Now the fridge has no beer, not a drop in sight
But in spite of it all, to all a good night!
Merry Chistmas!
bFc
