I up-graded my Home Security System

kilowatt · Jan 17, 2016

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on e-bay any more) and
peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the Neighborhood Watch.

Then I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front
yard. I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on e-bay) and put it in the center of the yard.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month.

Brian
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Homer · Jan 17, 2016

good one manny...

RELH · Jan 17, 2016

Kilo I laughed my butt off and told my wife what you posted. After laughing she agreed that would work for home security.

RELH

sageadvice · Jan 17, 2016

I laughed too, one of the better ones i've heard in awhile.

Joey

"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"

Jagerdad · Jan 18, 2016

You learned how to use the system.

I have an elderly neighbor next door and saw a large truck with a bed-dump drop logs cut into sections onto his side yard area then drive away. The local Sheriff's Dept received an anonymous tip that at that address, Mexican Drug Cartel members were importing drugs sealed within average looking logs.

At about 2am I heard a lot of noise next door. Looked out to see about 30 SWAT members hacking away into the logs, but I went back asleep. When I awoke in the morning my neighbor phoned. He said Thank You.

He said "My Buddies" came over last night, again this winter, and split all of his Firewood he had delivered as whole logs. Wauz'en me I told him but he gave me 50% of the split firewood anyways. They must have had a Search Warrant and picked the wrong address. Address typo's do happen, especially in the winter.

Homer · Jan 18, 2016

My neghbor is about 80.... One afternoon a car pulled quietly in behind his unattached garage and 3 men got out and broke into it. He saw them go in and dialed 911. He was connected to our local sheriff's dispatcher and he explained the situation. The dispatcher said no one was available to respond but would be by in a few hours to take a report. He told the dispatcher that if they would hurry they could catch them in the act. Again he was told "sorry" ....no deputies are available and politely hung up.

He waited a few minutes then called the dispatcher back and said not to hurry at all now...he had gone out with his shotgun and killed them all in the act.

Within minutes 4 sheriff cars came rolling up with lights and sirens blairing....ran to the garage and caught the three red handed..............furious the sargent met the old man in the yard and screamed..."you said you shot them".....to which my old neighbor replied...."you said no one was available!!"