R
Rackcrawler
Guest
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
> contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
> Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake
> a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
> aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
> me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
> fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
> ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
> ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
> each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
> that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
> other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
> some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
> not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
> paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through
> the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
> years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
> other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
> on the front door:
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
>
> (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on
> your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
> 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
> who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
> less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
> (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6)
> don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)
> don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest
> fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if
> they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>
Tom
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
> contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
> Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake
> a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
> aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
> me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
> fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
> ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
> ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
> each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
> that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
> other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
> some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
> not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
> paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through
> the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
> years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
> other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
> on the front door:
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
>
> (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on
> your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
> 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
> who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
> less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
> (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6)
> don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)
> don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest
> fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if
> they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>
Tom
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
