OutdoorWriter
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You gotta love blonds....
- Thread starter OutdoorWriter
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yoteduster
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Lmao...that was good
OutdoorWriter
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So keeping with the theme...
A blonde gets lost in a snowstorm but remembers her father’s advice that she should pull to the side and wait for a snowplow and then follow the plow. So when a plow comes along, she quickly falls in behind it.
After an hour and a half, the plow driver stops and comes back to ask her why she’s following him. She proudly say that that’s what her father told her to do.
He say’s , "OK, lady. I’ve finished with the WalMart parking lot and I’m off to do Safeway next, if you want to come along."
A blonde gets lost in a snowstorm but remembers her father’s advice that she should pull to the side and wait for a snowplow and then follow the plow. So when a plow comes along, she quickly falls in behind it.
After an hour and a half, the plow driver stops and comes back to ask her why she’s following him. She proudly say that that’s what her father told her to do.
He say’s , "OK, lady. I’ve finished with the WalMart parking lot and I’m off to do Safeway next, if you want to come along."
OutdoorWriter
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And then....
A dude sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar. While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman’s b?bs and splashed all over them .
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her b?bs.
Each time the guy called for a beer the same thing happened.
After his third beer, the dude decided to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her b?bs, the man jumped up and started to lick them, she decked him.
He was laying on the floor moaning, "Jeez, lady .... Why’d you let the bartender lick your b?bs, but not me?"
"Duh," said the blonde ... "He has a licker license"
A dude sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar. While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman’s b?bs and splashed all over them .
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her b?bs.
Each time the guy called for a beer the same thing happened.
After his third beer, the dude decided to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her b?bs, the man jumped up and started to lick them, she decked him.
He was laying on the floor moaning, "Jeez, lady .... Why’d you let the bartender lick your b?bs, but not me?"
"Duh," said the blonde ... "He has a licker license"
OutdoorWriter
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And...
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. The boss will never know."
The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done & the redhead goes to a bar. The blonde goes home and finds her husband in bed with the female boss! The blond quietly sneaks out of the house for while, then returns home at her normal time.
The next day, the brunette says, "That was fun. We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. The boss will never know."
The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done & the redhead goes to a bar. The blonde goes home and finds her husband in bed with the female boss! The blond quietly sneaks out of the house for while, then returns home at her normal time.
The next day, the brunette says, "That was fun. We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
OutdoorWriter
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Today's 'smart' blonde installment...
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Goshawker1
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That’s a good 1 for sure?
OutdoorWriter
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She's still at it...
The blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started soliciting her services in a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started soliciting her services in a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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OutdoorWriter
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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
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OutdoorWriter
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A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"
The blonde nods. "But wow, I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pokes her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
P.S. - Hold your cards & letters; I didn't write the caption above!
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"
The blonde nods. "But wow, I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pokes her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
P.S. - Hold your cards & letters; I didn't write the caption above!
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