When the time comes for you to sit down with your aging and ailing mom or dad and say your goodbyes.....what do you say??? I am fortunate enough to have a great relationship with my aging parents with failing health. We always knew this time would come but it is incredibly difficult. I'd be interested to hear some stories from those of you that have gone through this and also hear from those that will be going through this. I am also fortunate enough to have a 15 month old girl that is the reason I am hanging in there. She is my rock. I have a hard time responding to those of you who have personal tragedies but always keep you in my prayers. Feel free to share. It's therapy time.
What do you say?
- Thread starter Zigga
- Start date
Forthewall
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 3,327
Zigga, I went through this a couple of years ago with my Grandmother when she was in hospice care. My brother and I were the last ones with her while she could still talk. I would gently swab her dry mouth and both my brother and I held her hands.
Simply being there with all 3 of us conscious of the eventual outcome seemed to make words unnecessary. We spoke with our eyes and smiles, occasionally exchanging light squeezes of our hands.
After a lifetime of loving memories there really was not much to say. She struggled with her last words as she gripped both of our hands and quietly said, "My handsome boys". We both kissed her on the forehead and told her we loved her. As we were leaving she raised her hand and said "I love you...I love all of you." Words and a moment in time I will never forget.
It was classic for my Grandmother, still trying to soften the moment for us. The following day the hospice brought her to her home, unable to talk she passed in her bed with my uncles at her side. Even now it's a little hard to write about it without shedding a tear.
Hang in there Buddy!
Simply being there with all 3 of us conscious of the eventual outcome seemed to make words unnecessary. We spoke with our eyes and smiles, occasionally exchanging light squeezes of our hands.
After a lifetime of loving memories there really was not much to say. She struggled with her last words as she gripped both of our hands and quietly said, "My handsome boys". We both kissed her on the forehead and told her we loved her. As we were leaving she raised her hand and said "I love you...I love all of you." Words and a moment in time I will never forget.
It was classic for my Grandmother, still trying to soften the moment for us. The following day the hospice brought her to her home, unable to talk she passed in her bed with my uncles at her side. Even now it's a little hard to write about it without shedding a tear.
Hang in there Buddy!
H
huntindude
Guest
It's one of those things that there are no good answers to in my experience. just spend as much time as possible, or should I say as you can take with them and things will go at their own pace. this sucks, I wish you and yours the best possible under the circumstances.
N
NMHUNTNUTT1
Guest
Zigga , every situation is differant . Everybody handles these times in their own way. But as I read your words , I know what you speak of and could feel the sadness. I'll keep you and yours in my prayers, tonight in just a few ,i'll ask God to send a blessing of comfort for you.I'm not one to pitch religious beliefs on anyone ,I have a hard enough time keeping myself lined out somewhat straight, but I do very much believe ,and if anything , a heartfelt prayer with desire to to serve and at times like yours , to ask God for comfort if anything...I can't offer you words to to help your situation , but my words are true, and I sure hope and will pray for you.Hang in there,and if you believe in God , just remember that His promise to us is not of this world , but of His......Larry
RELH
Long Time Member
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- 17,521
Zigga;
It's going to be tough, but be with them as much as possible and do everything you can to make to make their last days as good ones. Cater to them as much as you can. Even little small things can make their day that much better. They are lucky to have you and the the fact you care so much for them. A lot of parents in this world does not have that great gift of a caring child.
I wish you the best.
RELH
It's going to be tough, but be with them as much as possible and do everything you can to make to make their last days as good ones. Cater to them as much as you can. Even little small things can make their day that much better. They are lucky to have you and the the fact you care so much for them. A lot of parents in this world does not have that great gift of a caring child.
I wish you the best.
RELH
Well, I don't think you really say 'good bye' as much as reassure folks you'll be ok with out them. Remember the good times, laugh as much as possible, thank them for being great parents, and let people know you'll carry on their legacy and pass it on down and that you'll miss them alot. Then just enjoy each other while you're still together.
I'm sorry, Zigga. It's never easy. Even when you know death is imminent, it's still not easy when it does happen. You're happy the person isn't sick and suffering or in pain anymore, but it still hurts the loved ones left behind. The incredible sadness you feel when someone close passes never fully goes away, but does fade with time.
Jenn
I'm sorry, Zigga. It's never easy. Even when you know death is imminent, it's still not easy when it does happen. You're happy the person isn't sick and suffering or in pain anymore, but it still hurts the loved ones left behind. The incredible sadness you feel when someone close passes never fully goes away, but does fade with time.
Jenn
A
Alchase
Guest
Zigga, like the others have said, everyone goes through this differently, I would add one thing, when my Father was dying the one thing he worried most about was that his whole life savings was being used up by Medical bills. This ate him up inside. He had worked all his life to be able to leave something for his family. In the last conversation I had with him I finally convinced him that would not happen.
You can't believe the relief I saw in his face. He was now able to just let go if he wanted.
I told him he was the most perfect example of a Father I have ever met. And I thanked him for his patience with me and told him how much I loved him. We spent the next hour reminiscing about steelhead trips we went on together until he fell asleep.
There are allot of things that can keep people from letting go, sometimes they just need to know that everyone they care about will be alright.
There are only two types of people - The Hunters and the hunted,
I hunt.
Alchase
You can't believe the relief I saw in his face. He was now able to just let go if he wanted.
I told him he was the most perfect example of a Father I have ever met. And I thanked him for his patience with me and told him how much I loved him. We spent the next hour reminiscing about steelhead trips we went on together until he fell asleep.
There are allot of things that can keep people from letting go, sometimes they just need to know that everyone they care about will be alright.
There are only two types of people - The Hunters and the hunted,
I hunt.
Alchase
J
JACKELOPE
Guest
LAST EDITED ON Jul-20-07 AT 02:33PM (MST)[p]I'm in the same boat, sort of, although on a less significant scale. not sure if thats gonna sound right, but my aunt is dying right now. it's not my parents which as much as i love my aunt and we are very close, is not my mom or dad. that would be a whole different story. i live in washington and she's in new york, and i made the "goodbye" phone call last week. i didn't know what to say. she told me she did not want me to come and see her in the condition she's in. she wants me to remember her as i remember her now. it was incredibly tough. i have a baby on the way and alls i could tell her was how i'd tell my daughter some day how great her great-aunt was. i can't imagine what it'd be like to have that conversation with my either one of my parents. be strong Zigga, for them and for you. thats all i can say. i'm sorry.
C
ClorideRUS
Guest
Zigga,
Difficult is an understatement. I know the pain you're going through. The only advice I can offer is to spend as much time with them as possible. I was fortunate enough to sit with my father as he breathed his last. You think you'll never get over the sense of loss but you do. Time heals all wounds. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad and all of the hunts and good times we had. So you see, they never really leave you.
Russ
Difficult is an understatement. I know the pain you're going through. The only advice I can offer is to spend as much time with them as possible. I was fortunate enough to sit with my father as he breathed his last. You think you'll never get over the sense of loss but you do. Time heals all wounds. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad and all of the hunts and good times we had. So you see, they never really leave you.
Russ
