Thanksgiving Legal Troubles

Roy

Moderator
Messages
7,447
LAST EDITED ON Nov-27-15 AT 02:02PM (MST)[p]

You know, I have been pretty low before and have had some bad times but this one really has me down - and it is not my fault. I was just trying to do the right thing.

You see, the other day, I was down by the bay near Humboldt County, California, looking for a cousin of mine who unfortunately, has found himself hopelessly addicted to methamphetamines. His mother is really worried about him - she hasn't heard from him in about 9 months and finally we got a tip he might be down there. So I was there, helping to search for him.

Well, as I was asking around, and searching for him in hopes of saving his life, I came across something that looked out of place. It was a brand new Craftsman 3/8 inch variable speed 5.5 amp drill. I thought, "Oops - someone has left this behind and if I don't turn it in it will be stolen." Or maybe it had already been stolen and abandoned. I don't know - I just knew I had to turn it in and do the right thing.

So, I called the police to turn in in. There happened to be an officer in the area and he came right over. I thought I had done the right thing, but he noticed something off about it that I didn't. It appeared that the packaging had been glued back together - anyway, that got his curiosity piqued and he opened it up and lo and behold - there was no new drill. Just some old, beat up drill that sparks and almost sets itself on fire when you use it.

Well, the cop didn't believe my story, and he arrested me for theft, because of course, I didn't have a receipt. He accused me of taking the new drill in to a pawn shop, and swears he will find it and make the charges stick because he "know(s) that I am guilty of something - or else (I) wouldn't be hanging around down by the bay." I can't afford a high-priced California lawyer, so I have some public defender. He's not very good. He doesn't think my case looks good at all. Even though I have no prior offenses, he feels that I should take a plea deal that would put me in Chino for 3-5 years.

I don't know what to do. I am thinking of setting up a GoFundMe account to help with my legal expenses. I can't set it up from here though, I am going to have to be bailed out first. Man, jail sucks. Especially on Thanksgiving.

To make it worse - I spotted my cousin - just as I was getting cuffed and being pushed into the cop car. He looked really bad, I hope he can survive until I can get out and try to rescue him again.

The only thing I can think of is that somebody bought a new drill and put their old one back in the box and set it out as some kind of sick practical joke or something. But, the question that keeps coming back to me is this:

Who would do such a thing??

Just don't know.

Well, hope you all had a happier Thanksgiving than I did.

HOOK 'EM!
_______________________________________

Since I am frequently asked about my religion on this site and others, I have created a profile that explains my beliefs. If you are interested in finding out more about my faith, please visit the link below:

http://mormon.org/me/6RNQ/
 
Roy I am trying to decide who has the most warped twisted mind between you and Eel. Maybe we should put it to a vote as I see a toss up between the two of you. Great story, I am still laughing.

RELH
 
....since you are black Roy, just call racism and better lawyers will be lining up to defend you...
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-27-15 AT 05:46PM (MST)[p]Actually Homie - the DA said that since I am a white, heterosexual, monogamous, religious, Christian, capitalist, environmentally conservative, socially moderate, fiscally responsible, common sense possessing, male human being then I am therefore the essence of evil so she is throwing the book at me.

HOOK 'EM!
_______________________________________

Since I am frequently asked about my religion on this site and others, I have created a profile that explains my beliefs. If you are interested in finding out more about my faith, please visit the link below:

http://mormon.org/me/6RNQ/
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-27-15 AT 04:25PM (MST)[p]All I can say is....this turned out way better than my wildest dream!

I wanted to check the facts for myself so I went on our local booking site. Sure enough, if you scroll down you'll see Roy's name. I stopped there to save space.

Enjoy your time with Bubba Roy!

Yesterday:

7 felonies, 14 misdemeanors, 1 infractions

Name

Agency

Type

Charges

Time

JERRY ROBIN GILL EPD FRESH ARREST PC148(a) Wednesday, Nov. 25
12:07 a.m.

KELL SIMONE FALITE APD FRESH ARREST DUI Wednesday, Nov. 25
12:56 a.m.

STEVEN TEX HAWTHORNE HSO BENCH WARRANT EM93.02 Wednesday, Nov. 25
1:20 a.m.

JOSEPH MANUEL BECERRA HSO FRESH ARREST Domestic Battery Wednesday, Nov. 25
3:16 a.m.

MISTY DAWN MILLER EPD FRESH ARREST Drunk in Public Wednesday, Nov. 25
3:31 a.m.

KIMBERLEY EILEEN PAUP EPD FRESH ARREST VC23152(e) Wednesday, Nov. 25

JONATHAN PHILLIP KRASNAY PO FRESH ARREST PC1203.2(a)(1) Wednesday, Nov. 25
10:15 a.m

DANNY JOSEPH LOPEZ HSO FRESH ARREST DUI, VC14601(a) Wednesday, Nov. 25

BRAYLAN JAY LANIER JAIL BENCH WARRANT PC3455(a), PC211 Wednesday, Nov. 25
1 p.m.

ROY WANNAB HUNTER EPD FRESH ARREST Burglary, possession of stolen property, including a drill, and assorted Turtle Shell trophies. Wednesday, Nov. 25 1 a.m.
 
Hey Roy!

You'd Best give HomerJ a Call!



Go Ahead!

Make Me take it down!

9001hank2.jpg
 
Roy, tell the judge you want the "Dream Team" for your court appointed legal defense. They got O.J. Simpson off the hook for homicide and your case would be a piece of cake.

RELH

P.S. Roy be sure to never turn your backside towards Bubba. Bubba is related to Eel and Eel pasted the word to him that you may be a bent wrist liberal and for Bubba to make you welcome to the gray bar hotel.
 
Just as a follow up.....

Curiosity got the best of me so I stopped by the Police Station (my good friend runs the property room there) I asked to see the turtle shells. He brings out this shoe box full of shells. He said they were positively identified by the victim who reported them stolen only 3 hours before Roy was arrested.

Then I drove by the impound yard. Sure enough, there sets a 1987 Yugo with Texas plates. The front end is smashed up with obvious deer hair in the grill.

Seems like an open and shut case to me.
 
ROY...call Ransom and get him to bail you out and RUN LIKE THE DEVIL FOR TEXAS.

Brian
http://i44.tinypic.com/es7x8z.jpg[/IMG]
 
Roy do as Kilo advised you. If you make it back to Texas, your worries are over with. CA. Gov. "Moonbeam" Brown hates Texas and Texans so much, he would never extradite you back to CA. even on felony charges. Just run like the devil with your butt on fire for the Texas border.

RELH
 
RE: Thanksgiving Legal Troubles ***UPDATE***

LAST EDITED ON Nov-30-15 AT 02:14PM (MST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Nov-30-15 AT 01:52?PM (MST)

Well - I was finally able to call my lawyer - Brian Wilson - The Texas Law Hawk. He was so appalled at my case that he agreed to take it - pro bono.

See him in action here:

He was able to get all the "charges" dismissed. He caught the arresting officer in a lie and got him to admit that all the "evidence" had been planted.

They weren't able to find my fingerprints on the old drill or anywhere on the inside of the box. Nor were they able to find them on any of the turtle shells. Since the turtle shells involve wildlife, my attorney, Brian Wilson - The Texas Law Hawk was able to get the fish and game involved.

They identified the shells as belonging to the endangered baby Humboldt Bay Terrapin, that only hatch in mid June. All the shells were from hatchlings, which can be gathered on the beach at night and are often harvested - illegally of course - during the grunion harvest. It appears that greedy turtle hunters will capture the hatchlings and put them in their grunion buckets, covering them with the slimy fish. They are also commonly captured by kayak fisherman on the bay.

Anyway, my attorney Brian Wilson, The Texas Law Hawk, was able to prove to the judge that I wasn't in California at that time, and couldn't possibly have harvested those shells. Also, the "shoe box" they were found in, contained a bar code from a local store in Eureka, CA and they are in the process of tracing its date of purchase and any relevant security footage.

They did find plenty of fingerprints on those shells, the shoebox, and on that drill though. They have been identified in the system, and though the game warden wasn't saying any specific details, they were all from the same individual who appears to be part of a larger investigation that reaches way past the state level - we're talking International here, Interpol stuff!!

Apparently, arrests are imminent and they are cyber-tracking the individual through an old decoy website filled with "pot culture" fiction that they used to use to entrap marijuana cultivators. It seems that the website hasn't been accessed in years and all of a sudden, their subject began to frequent the site recently and has returned regularly. They have traced the ip address and are in the process of obtaining warrants and are bolstering their investigation. It turns out that this individual has also been trying to sell turtle sternums and turtle penis bones on the dark net too. One really sick dude.

Anyway, I am free from all the charges, I made it back to Texas. The charges were so ridiculous, they had even tried to tie me to some deer hair that was caught in the bumper of a Yugo with Texas plates. Turned out they were California Blacktail hairs from a deer that had recently been harvested and planted in the bumper. The physics prove that there was no possible way the deer hairs could have ended up there by hitting a deer and had to have been planted there by hand. All the follicles show they were removed several weeks after the deer's death. Stress indicators in the adrenalin levels of the deer indicate it may have been held down with a belt-like object either prior too or soon after the deer was harvested. It also appeared to have been left in the open air over-night after being killed. Pretty interesting what you can learn from some deer hair. Also, the Texas plates were from a vehicle that was reported stolen after I had been arrested. Seems like one really smart dude trying to frame me.

Looking back on it now, I'm not even really mad about it. It's just so sad.

Oh, and my cousin, yeah, we found him. He is now in a sober living facility and has some video of the person leaving the drill by the bay. Feds have it now. Whoever it was, his goose is cooked, probably a Brant's goose too. Figures.

HOOK 'EM!
_______________________________________

Since I am frequently asked about my religion on this site and others, I have created a profile that explains my beliefs. If you are interested in finding out+ more about my faith, please visit the link below:

http://mormon.org/me/6RNQ/
 
RE: Thanksgiving Legal Troubles ***UPDATE***

Roy you missed your calling. You should be writing non-fiction novels. You would make a mint. You first novel should be about those dastardly kayak using poachers from Humbolt bay region. You could title it, The dastardly kayak poachers that walk among us. You could even give Eel the lead role as the evil one. He would love the 15 minutes of glory.

RELH

Glad you made back to Texas in time to catch the game.
 
I forgot Roy has Brian Wilson - The Texas Law Hawk on speed dial. Dang it!

I'm glad Roy's cousin is in recovery. That's the one good thing that came out of all this. Being Roy's cousin, I bet he makes it less than a month.

P.S. I got a new computer. I buried the old hard drive in the bay mud along with my new drill.
 
B.S. Eel, I know you too well. You buried that hard drive in the trunk of Roy's car and plan to report it stolen and name Roy as the possible suspect. You want to hang his butt on a federal charge of transporting stolen goods over state lines and have the FBI go after him. Good thing Roy has the "Texas law hawk" on speed dial, he will need him.

RELH
 

Click-a-Pic ... Details & Bigger Photos
Back
Top Bottom