Re: help

joesikora · Feb 24, 2016

Re: help

I'm reaching out to my friends here on MM to ask for help. This has nothing to do with hunting this has to do with me trying to save my love ones life. I literally just kicked the door in on a drug house and told them if anyone sells my nephew herion again I will hold them personally responsible. I know it's his fault, he is 32 years old but I don't care. If I suffer a loss so will they. If anyone has any experience with this please send me your suggestions on how I can help him.
I realize you wouldn't want to post anything on the open forum so you can PM or you can call me if you have any ideas.

Thanks Joe
618-779-9165

"Sometimes you do things wrong for so long you
think their right" - 2001
"I can't argue with honesty" - 2005
-Joe E Sikora

"Sometimes you do things wrong for so long you
think their right" - 2001
"I can't argue with honesty" - 2005
-Joe E Sikora

TOPGUN · Feb 24, 2016

LAST EDITED ON Feb-24-16 AT 06:42PM (MST)[p]Not too smart Joe as that could have gotten you into real trouble and your nephew into bigger problems with them. Offer your nrphew help and it's to him at that age to make the change if he will enter the rehab places that are available. Then you can be the head of his support group, but's it's up to him to do it on his own, as you can't force him. Good luck and we'll put him in our prayers that things change for the good!

264mag · Feb 24, 2016

>LAST EDITED ON Feb-24-16
>AT 06:42?PM (MST)
>
>Not too smart Joe as that
>could have gotten you into
>real trouble and your nephew
>into bigger problems with them.
> Offer your nrphew help
>and it's to him at
>that age to make the
>change if he will enter
>the rehab places that are
>available. Then you can
>be the head of his
>support group, but's it's up
>to him to do it
>on his own, as you
>can't force him. Good
>luck and we'll put him
>in our prayers that things
>change for the good!
+1

RELH · Feb 24, 2016

I'm speaking from 30 years experience as a law enforcement officer including several years as a narcotics investigator. I can understand your actions if your nephew was a minor and you taking action against the dealers.
Since he is 32 years old, you will not be able to help him until he hits rock bottom and makes up his own mind to change and kick the habit. Only problem with that is he might end up dead before he hits rock bottom.
Right now your main concern is your wife and kids and you making sure you do not do something stupid that will put you in jail or the morgue. You will not be able to help the nephew, who will have a tendency to use you or steal from you to support his habit. HIS HABIT WILL HAVE PRIORTY OVER EVERTHING ELSE, INCLUDING FAMILY IF HE HAS TO CHOOSE.

RELH

desertpointbrian · Feb 24, 2016

Sorry to hear you going through this joe. I am not going to sit here and say you shouldn't have went to the house because what's done is done.
And you did just make his drug comfort zone alot less comfortable

Just what kind of crowd are we talking about are they small town wannabes or are you in a bigger area where the criminals are much more hardened. What I am getting at is make sure you protect yourself and your family first .

Heroin is not a joke if your nephew is that deep into it. death is truly a possibility . He has to have some criminal tendancy being involved with those type of people the best thing you can hope for is a jail sentence and force his rock bottom. the problem is if he is not suicidal you will have a hard time getting him into a rehab that is not going to cost you an arm and a leg if he is suicidal alot of places will take him in including jail . I know there are some rehabs out their shriners hospital I heard is good for working with people.you keep fighting for that kid but in a calmer way that doesn't jeopardize your family.

slamdunk · Feb 24, 2016

Topgun and others are dead on with this one, there is nothing you can do for a heroin user, they have to hit rock bottom and do it for them selves.
I've been through this with one of my own. She's now 8 years totally clean, gave me a beautiful grandson and she actually works at hospitals in rehab units helping people who suffer this horrific disease of addiction.
It's tough to watch, I know first hand and there are only two places they can choose to go and one of them isn't a good place.

2lumpy · Feb 24, 2016

Joe, very sorry that your having to deal with this kind of heart ache, anger, and fear. Terrible for all those involved.

I've never had to deal with what your facing but in as much as you asked for advice, suggestions, or opinions I'll tell what I'd do, and it wouldn't be kicking down anyones door.

I would communicate directly with RELH. I would get direction from a professional. I'd listen carefully. I'd ask questions and follow through on his suggestions. Then I'd look for and find another guy, like RELH, in the community you live in, and I'd get advice from him. He will know local laws and can give the realities of the environment in your back yard. Again, lots of questions and lots of careful listen and follow-through.

Your facing a "tough love" situation and where as your nephew is 32, not a minor, so no one can act or speak in his behalf, according to laws of our land. As others have said, he is in charge of his own life and his own decisions, accept by your and the drug peddlers persuasion. A professional would need to advise you if there is any law that gives you any degree of direct control over him. If you can prove he is incapable of thinking for himself, even then, that may not be a possibility, RELH and others like him could tell you if you have any options with regards to that sort of thing.

I hope your nephew is successful in overcoming this terrible addition. I hope you will be wise in your actions. Tread carefully Joe. Not suggesting in any way that you should not be pro active in your efforts to help this young man, just be very prudent about how you proceed. It's a long way from here, if we need to throw "you" a rope.

DC

dz · Feb 24, 2016

Joe, I am with you. Just next time it goes down take a bunch of us with you. I would rather go down fighting evil then not. I know the advice you are getting here is good sound advice. But mess with my kin and there will be hell to pay. God bless you for caring and may your nephew pull out of this one. Sending a prayer your way.

DZ

DeerMadness · Feb 24, 2016

Slam dunk is correct. Until he hits rock bottom.he will only respect finding the next fix.
My son came home alost a month ago after being locked up for almost 2 years and 3 months.
Heroin lead to burglary and I was a vicTim which was shocking.
He is now clean and started a job as a finish carpenter. He has 70 K in restitution and fines and will be on probation until they release him.
I love him so much and hope he chooses to remain sober.

joesikora · Feb 25, 2016

Thanks so much for your ideas and prayers
It's comforting to know I have some goods friends on here

Your friend
Joe

"Sometimes you do things wrong for so long you
think their right" - 2001
"I can't argue with honesty" - 2005
-Joe E Sikora

browtine · Feb 25, 2016

"they have to hit rock bottom and do it for them selves"

Perfectly put. I've watched many people who have been theft victims of their loved one and then turn around and spend their life saving on treatment that never worked. Its a tough spot and this drug is a disease.

PleaseDear · Feb 26, 2016

Sorry to read this Joe, you are way to good of a man--but the advice you have been given is Spot On my friend

Please be totally safe as you move on this issue---

Robb

Brazos1 · Feb 29, 2016

Joe,
I'm fairly new here and don't post much, but I felt I needed to respond. Going to be a little long winded. The rock bottom is true. My son is 23 and been using since 2011. Thousands of dollars in rehab and still couldn't get him to stay sober even with a near death OD. Can't imagine how much more rock bottom you can do more than just about die but he sure seemed to be able to go farther as that was 2013. If me and the wife don't show up at his apartment that night, I'm quite certain I'm telling you about a funeral instead. He had some good stints that we thought were going to take but to no avail. He's now in prison for 2-3 years. Detoxed in the can. Strictly speaking from my experience, there's no right way or wrong (except maybe 1, see below) way to help. You won't be able to sway unless they want to be swayed. Each time he went to rehab (3) were all his choices and cries for help. My view as the biggest threat to sobriety is the environment, friends, etc. If you're able to get him out of the area he's in after rehab, DO IT! At least for a time so he can become stronger and develop a strong support group. Mind you, my son and I were very tight. He wasn't a neglected child. Hunting, fishing, baseball, all things outdoor we did. Church upbringing. He's now in prison for a mini crime spree he went on for the expressed purpose of violating parole and be thrown in prison. He knows I won't pay for lawyers and he did it to save himself from himself. Since finding out about it in 2011, I constantly told him at least your alive and have your freedom. You will die or be caught at some point. Well, as he told me the other day, he's now lost his freedom. He's quite aware of what he's done and accepts his punishment. He's going to try and do the time as opposed to the time doing him. The sad part is the kid is borderline genius. I guess in the end what I'm trying to tell you is to have a heart to heart with him about the die or lost freedom. Without sobriety it will end this way, guaranteed. Perhaps, being 32, he'll have a light come on. As eluded to above on wrong ways, DO NOT listen to people who tell you to just throw him to the streets. Unless they've lived it, you can't possibly know how incredibly difficult that is to do and I had the same mentality of doing just that. Easier said than done. That in no way means you enable him. I've called the sheriff myself when I found out about a theft he did. That still wasn't rock, 2014. There's so much we could talk about and I wrote these things to let you know I know where you're coming from and if you need to talk, please consider this an open invitation to call or PM me anytime you feel like it. Truly would like to help if I can, including talking to your nephew. My son would also love the opportunity to write him if he's willing to read it. By the way, had the same thought and action you did about the sellers. In the end, all you do is possibly go to jail or worse. The rest of your family deserves better than that from you so cool that jet bro!!! Sorry for the long post but this kind of story saddens me to the point of wanting to help. I hope it works out for him and your family. God's speed. PS: Please remember to contact me if you want.

joesikora · Mar 1, 2016

Thanks so much to everyone on here, for taking the time to share they stories with me. I know that this cannot be easy. I want you all to know I too will be praying for all your family members as well.

God bless
Joe

"Sometimes you do things wrong for so long you
think their right" - 2001
"I can't argue with honesty" - 2005
-Joe E Sikora