Limericks

[1911]

I was thinking about this while reading the singer/songwriter post and did not want to highjack it. Anyone have any good limericks. I know, I know, most are really sophmoric.... but funny nonetheless. Not sure how long this will stick around but I'll start it off with a childhood favorite.

There once was a man from VanClaus,
Who's valls they were both made of brass,
When it rained stormy weather,
His valls clanged together,
And lightnin' shot out of his o$$.

I was reminded of the Irish limerick after hearing the tale of a really funny story involving a heavy Irish accent, copius amounts of alcohol, a jail, and a bra.

 

[Feleno]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-07-09 AT 06:30PM (MST)[p]There once was a woman named Monica.
Bill met her on the first day of Hannukah.
She wore a beret,
And didn't have much to say.
But man, could she play the harmonica!

Ther once was a vampire named Mable
whose periods were very unstable
Once every full moon,
She took out a spoon,
And drank herself under the table

 

[overton]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

 

[1911]

Ok somebody help me out with this one it has potential but I've got writers block....


THERE ONCE WAS A CAT FROM THE BASIN!!!
THEM PISSCUTTER BUCKS ALWAYS CHASIN!!!............

 

[1911]

....another starter...


Down South lived ol' Chloride Rus,
Over his parking the Warden did Fuss,...............

 

[NVBighorn]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-07-09 AT 07:36PM (MST)[p]
>
>THERE ONCE WAS A CAT FROM
>THE BASIN!!!
>THEM PISSCUTTER BUCKS ALWAYS CHASIN!!!............
>
He yelled JFP!
With the lock on caps key,
I'm watchin' some good NASCAR racin'.

 

[crazeymaez]

"THOSE GEO METROS HE'S ALWAYS RACIN"

 

[tageater]

There once was a man named Dave

who kept a dead hore in a cave.

he said" I admit, she does smell abit.

but think of the money I save!"

 

[crazeymaez]

LEAVING EM FULL OF SMOKE LIKE THEY WERE BLAZING

 

[Wiszard]

I thought Limericks had 5 syllables the first line, 7 the next and back to 5 syllables in the last line.

Steve

 

[overton]

Wis

Start your own post know it all. LOL

 

[Wiszard]

Damn Ransom!! You suck! You blew my joke clear out of the water. The next post was supposed to say, "that's a Haiku." Whereas I reply, "Haik me? No, Haik YOU!!"....or "Bless you!!"...but you just wrecked it! Thanks smart guy....all that genius was just wasted.....

Steve

 

[sageadvice]

Cali4X4,

lol!!!

Joey

 

[eelgrass]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-07-09 AT 10:06PM (MST)[p]BIG BAD BESS,

By Eel


Big Bess
Big Cat

Every morning at the internet you could see him arrive
He stood six-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
Everybody knew you didn't give no lip to Big Bess

Big Bess
Big Cat
Big Bad Bess

Nobody seemed to know where the Cat called home
He just drifted into Altamont and stayed all alone
He had a lot to say, and all in CAPS
And if you don't believe, he'd pounce in your lap, Big Bess
Somebody said he came from the Utah line
Where he got in a fight o'er a "closed road" sign
And a crashin' blow from a huge right hand
Sent a Utard fella to the promised land, Big Bess


Big Bess
Big Cat
Big Bad Bess
Big Bess

Then came the day at the bottom of the pine
When a rifle cracked and deer started dyin'
The 'Tards were smilin' as they started their drag
And everybody thought they'd filled their tags, 'cept Bess
Through the dust and the smoke of this pisscutter hell
Walked a giant of a buck that the hunters knew well
Grabbed the mighty .50 caliber and gave out with a groan
And like a giant oak tree, just stood there alone, Big Bess

Big Bess
Big Cat
Big Bad Bess
Big Bess

And with all of his skill and all of his might
Then a 'Tard yelled out, there's a monster up above
And twenty men scrambled to get off a shot
Hunters were shoving and with a mighty push
The buck walked off with Big Bess on his tush. Big Bess

Edit: I got tired!

 

[overton]

Hummmm....................... LOL Eel

 

[RACKMASTER]

do your balls hang low...?
do they wobble to and frough...?
do balls hang low?
can you tie them in a knot or can you tie them in a bow?
do your balls hang low?
can you throw them over your shoulder like a together like a continental solder?
do your balls hang low?

Rackmaster

 

[1911]

I'll leave these to you in the future...That is some FUNNY stuff....lmao. Big Bad Bess!!! lol.

 

[kilowatt]

The Winds of March may come and go,
there changeable and gusty.
But all of the men like to watch them blow,
A well stacked gal who is BUSTY.

Playboy calendar for the month of March in 1955.

Brian
P.S. I have a Original Playboy calendar, the first one with Marilyn Monroe and only her in her famous pose.

 

[B_F_E]

Very nice EEL, BTW, I'm going to St. George today, right before it is a town called Leeds, Every time I pass threw I think of this gal.

"There once was a lady from Leeds,
Who swallowed a bag full of seeds,
flowers & grass, grew out of her a$$,
& she couldn't sit down for the weeds."

 

[WARBIRDUM]

A little bird with a yellow bill,
Landed on my window seal,
I coaxed him in with a piece of bread,
Than I smashed his ----kng head.

 

[NVBighorn]

here's a couple. May be more coming. I'm kind of on a roll...

I once knew a guy Nineteen ?leven
Said ?Kona it must be like heaven?,
He caught a big shark
JB taught him to bark
While Ransom gave him his seven.




There once was fella named Bighorn
Who always was postin some good corn
Said Founder to him
Now clean it up slim
Only Feleno gets by with that gay porn

 

[Roy]

I was really going to say something on here, but now ---- I just speechless!

UTROY
Proverbs 21:19 (why I hunt!)

 

[NVBighorn]

JB came from a place down in Cali,
I think he was raised in the alley,
Once he dressed as a chick
And he called me a plick
Said my name ain?t JB, call me Sally

 

[fireball77]

Holy crap ditto on the speechless, LMBOand I thought I heard them all.

 

[Roy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-08-09 AT 05:54PM (MST)[p]LMBO? and the B stands for....??? broom? buttocks? bottom? boobs? beer? oHHHH BUTT!

Still pretty much speechless - though NV is right on track! LOL





UTROY
Proverbs 21:19 (why I hunt!)

 

[Feleno]

lots of funny stuff here guys!!

He came to MM, they thought him gay
With boys tools, they assumed he'd play
Then came humor, boobs and porn
The mancrush forgotten, a hetero reborn
And right on cue, ?A s s of the Day?

 

[AZStickman]

The handle he chose was TFinalshot.
Tony Bynum when googled did show a lot.
His bio revealed.
He kicked, screamed and squealed.
Now ol' Bobcat Bess doesn't post a lot.

 

[AZStickman]

Feleno was considered a thorn,
In the sides of the mods who were torn.
Do we nuke or let slide,
Threads which did ride,
On the verge oft' times of soft porn

 

[overton]

He is known as 1911
His work ain't in heaven

He patrols for a drunk
Who he locks up in his trunk

Takes them to off to jail
Through rain and through hail

To appear in front of the judge
Who against he holds a grudge

The judge lets them off with a slap of the wrist
1911 thinks I should of given him the fist

 

[NVBighorn]

There once was a fellow named Ransom
He thought of himself as quite handsome
Though we don't know for sure
He claims his blood is quite pure
And he's a Native American grandson

We all know that Overton?s funny
And Sitting Bull may call him Sonny
He has claims on the tribe
But it could be a bribe
A thirty second won't get you the money.

 

[overton]

Maybe some peyote?