joke

sageadvice · Feb 23, 2015

A Utah LE Officer happens to notice a guy walking way out across a field along a small creek bottom. Curious, he stops and puts his field glass on him. Closer inspection show a young man with what looks to be a rifle stuffed down into his completely packed backpack that has deer and Elk horns tied all over to the outside of it. The Officer notifies the dept of wildlife and one of their officers and him plan to meet where, up against another neighborhood, it looks like this guy will exit the field.

They greet the 20 something year old young man with questions about his hunting out of season and if he has permission to gather all those horns?

Young guy says, Hunting? Picking up drops? Hell i ain't doing none of that. I'm just moving!"

Joey

"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"

Homer · Feb 23, 2015

uhhh.....ha.....ha.......ha..............

sageadvice · Feb 23, 2015

lol, Ok, it wasn't George Carlin funny but it did crack me up!

Those of you that would like to add a joke or contribute to this thread, feel welcome.

Joey

"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"

lve2143 · Feb 23, 2015

Dude walks into a roadside bar on work.
Looks behind the counter and is a sign that
says "Hand jobs $5, Ham sandwiches $1,
Cheese sandwiches 50 cents"

He is looking at this when a beautiful
woman walks out from the back.

He looks at her, then looks at the sign,
then looks at her.

He asks her, "are you the one that gives the
hand jobs?"

"Yes I am, she replays"

He looks at her and says, "Well then why don't
you walk back there, wash your hands, and make
me two of those cheese sandwiches"

sageadvice · Feb 23, 2015

2143, heard it before but still one of the best ever, lmao!

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Joey

"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"

eelgrass · Feb 24, 2015

The Guilty Neighbor

A man received the following text from his Neighbor :
"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, I have probably been getting more than you. I do not get it at home - but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again."
On reading the text, the man, anguished and betrayed, went directly into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and, without a word, shot his wife dead.
A few moments later, a second text came in, "Darn spell check!! Sorry Bob, the second sentence should refer to your wifi."

Eel

It's written in the good Book that we'll never be asked to take more than we can. Sounds like a good plan, so bring it on!

oneaway · Feb 24, 2015

LMAO...freaking spellcheck!

oneaway · Feb 24, 2015

Potential vs reality

Little Joeys teacher passes out the classes homework assignment, which is to tell difference between potential and reality.

That night lil Joey asks his dad...Dad, whats the difference between potential and reality? Dad replies...Joey go ask your mom if she will sleep with the mailman for $1 million. Joey does and his mom says yes! Joey goes back to his dad and tells him...Yes mom will sleep with the mailman for $1 million.

Dad tells Joey to go ask his sister the same question. Joey does and his sister says yes! Joey goes back to his dad and tells him...Yes sister will sleep with the mailman for $1 million.

Dad replies...You see Joey. Potentially we could be millionaires, but the reality of it is your mother and sister are a couple of whores!

Paul_Crawford · Feb 24, 2015

Question: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Answer: Nothing. She's been told twice already. PC

sageadvice · Feb 24, 2015

Good ones guys!! Thanks!

A street person approached a passerby. "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?"

"That's ridiculous!" the man said huffily.

"Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I don't need a lecture about how to run my business."

Joey

"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"