Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if Founder shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among members can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for members!
Founder will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other members who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the new members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the old timers believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
To: All Members
DATE: December 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Club house members are allowed to sit with each other. non-club house do not have to sit with club house members, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Club house members table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All F...... Members
DATE: December 5, 2012
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f****** wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The CAT from Hell!!!
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: TAGATTRACTER, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 6, 2012
RE: elkassassin and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing elkassassin a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to him.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and allow members to post any and all pictures with out fear of removal for a period of 24 hours on 23 Decmeber!
Happy Holidays!
TAGATTRACTER
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if Founder shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among members can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for members!
Founder will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other members who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the new members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the old timers believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
To: All Members
DATE: December 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Club house members are allowed to sit with each other. non-club house do not have to sit with club house members, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Club house members table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
elkassassin
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: elkassassin, Human Resources Director
TO: All F...... Members
DATE: December 5, 2012
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f****** wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The CAT from Hell!!!
Monster Muley's Memo
FROM: TAGATTRACTER, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 6, 2012
RE: elkassassin and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing elkassassin a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to him.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and allow members to post any and all pictures with out fear of removal for a period of 24 hours on 23 Decmeber!
Happy Holidays!
TAGATTRACTER
