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After I finish my morning workout at the gym, I always head to the men's locker room to wash whatever funk (other people's sweat, boogers, butt butter, germs, etc) that has been transferred from the stationary bike handles, stretching mats, and ab machines to my hands.
I'm semi-germaphobic. I don't trust that the guy who was on the bike before me, who "fell" off of said bike, smelling like a turd in an ashtray, actually washed his hands after he cranked nuts and/or kneaded his ball bag, pre-workout. I have to wash my hands, and that requires a trip to the bathroom.
The men's locker room is an awful place. It smells like steamed turds, armpits, and whatever the coolest AXE body wash is at the moment (probably Arctic Eagle Musk Ice, Rainforest Blue Date Rape Chowder, or Uptown Spicebeast.) I make sure to walk in, eyes to the ground, move quickly through the athlete's foot spray mist, and quickly run the gauntlet of half nude dudes to the bathroom. When I get to the sinks, I have to make sure one is available, so my gaze moves from my feet to the level of the sinks, and that's when I see the exact same thing four out of five days a week.
A 60-year-old man shaving.
Butt naked.
It's not always the same guy, it's not always the same sink, and it's not always a 60-year-old, but it's never anyone younger, which makes me wonder if there was some sort of "How To Shave Your Face" manual that came out in the '40s and '50s (that was discontinued shortly thereafter) that said:
STEP 1: Remove all clothing.
STEP 2: Apply shaving cream to face.
STEP 3: Widen stance for optimum balance.
STEP 4: Dangle penis and scrotum on sink top.
STEP 5 : Shave face.
It makes about as much sense to me as taking your pants off to change a flat tire or putting on a motorcycle helmet to take a #####, and I'm wondering just how clean my hands are getting if they're being washed in a sink that has been dusted with geriatric yam bags
I'm semi-germaphobic. I don't trust that the guy who was on the bike before me, who "fell" off of said bike, smelling like a turd in an ashtray, actually washed his hands after he cranked nuts and/or kneaded his ball bag, pre-workout. I have to wash my hands, and that requires a trip to the bathroom.
The men's locker room is an awful place. It smells like steamed turds, armpits, and whatever the coolest AXE body wash is at the moment (probably Arctic Eagle Musk Ice, Rainforest Blue Date Rape Chowder, or Uptown Spicebeast.) I make sure to walk in, eyes to the ground, move quickly through the athlete's foot spray mist, and quickly run the gauntlet of half nude dudes to the bathroom. When I get to the sinks, I have to make sure one is available, so my gaze moves from my feet to the level of the sinks, and that's when I see the exact same thing four out of five days a week.
A 60-year-old man shaving.
Butt naked.
It's not always the same guy, it's not always the same sink, and it's not always a 60-year-old, but it's never anyone younger, which makes me wonder if there was some sort of "How To Shave Your Face" manual that came out in the '40s and '50s (that was discontinued shortly thereafter) that said:
STEP 1: Remove all clothing.
STEP 2: Apply shaving cream to face.
STEP 3: Widen stance for optimum balance.
STEP 4: Dangle penis and scrotum on sink top.
STEP 5 : Shave face.
It makes about as much sense to me as taking your pants off to change a flat tire or putting on a motorcycle helmet to take a #####, and I'm wondering just how clean my hands are getting if they're being washed in a sink that has been dusted with geriatric yam bags
