divorce

S

squrl

Guest
my marrige is not looking to good any more it is looking like it probily wont last a hole lot longer im not sure what to do i have to wonderfull kids a boy that is 6 and a 3 girl that is 3 i have ben married 11 years but i dont know. any one have some expertise im not sure what to do
 
I've only been the kid through this.

Make sure your kids know you love them. Be a good dad. Make sure you and your wife don't fight in front of them. Even though things aren't smooth for the two of you, you're both still the parents of your children and it's important that you both act like it.

I'll send a word or two up to the big man for you and your family.

Stay strong,

Todd
 
Well squrl.. I have been there and done that and it was probably the toughest time in my life. just-a-hunter had some sound advice.. Make every attempt to keep the fighting away from the kids and NEVER say anything bad about your wife to the kids. NEVER try to get the kids to side with you... Act like the parents you are. My ex told my kids I was the most miserable SOB in the world and that's when she was in a good mood. She always kept the kids in the middle of our problems which is none of their concern. I never once said a bad thing about her to my kids. They figured things out on their own.

Sometimes things just cannot work between two people for what ever reasons. Just try to keep the little ones removed from you and your wife's problems and if you do get divorced be a stand up Dad in every aspect of their lives.. Always spend as much time as you can with them.. It's important. They will never forget it.
 
LAST EDITED ON Oct-26-08 AT 09:36AM (MST)[p]Get a really good attourney. I'm not kidding. Depending on the State your in it can get really ugly for the man. I hope you don't live in Washington State. Make sure the kids come first no matter what she say's or does. The decisions you make now will affect you the rest of your life. Good luck, I'll be praying for you. Remember, ONE DAY AT A TIME....
 
I'd take a little differnt angle on this than has been given. You did not say it is over, you just said it is headed down that path. Well, why is it? I'd identify those reasons and see what you can do to fix that. A marriage is a partnership so your spouse should do the same. Obviously there was a reason at some point in time you both adored each other. Find out where you left that behind and do what you can to get it back. I'd certainly look at divorce only as a very last resort and especially because kids are involved. A divorce will have a tremendous impact on those kids period. A divorce will not put an end to the issues. You will pay, your spouse will pay, and those kids will pay dearly. Far too often people are too hasty to get a divorce when for the same amount of effort they could save the marriage and turn it into the investment is was supposed to be.
 
Seeing a marriage counselor can do wonders for a failing relationship, that is, as long as both parties are invested in trying to salvage it.
 
I wish you luck! Marriage isn't easy. Have you asked your wife if you can put aside your problems for the kids sake? I've got 4 kids and would not be able to handle being apart from them. It would devistate me as well as them to know that their parents are not in love anymore. I'd do anything possible to save my kids feelings. Just my two cents.

Steve
 
I'm with 1911 on this, don't give up work it out, compromise on the things that bug her and also how she bugs you. I've been married 35 years next month and divorce was never an option in our marriage. Sure you will have problems, but work them out. Too many kids these days give up on marriage too early. There was a spark once in your relationship, work to get it back. Your family is worth saving, fight for it.
 
As 1911 said and I should have included in what I wrote, divorce is the absolute last measure. When all else has failed to repair the relationship. Bottom line if you are going to fix it both parties have to buy in. As was mentioned in other posts a marriage counselor may be able to give you two the tools to repair the damage and work towards a solid relationship, BUT it takes 150% effort on both parties part if you and your wife want to make it work. Obviously getting a family law attorney would be the last resort should all else fail but divorce is very difficult on the children, your wife, and yourself.
Work the relationship out if possible because nobody wins with a divorce besides the attorneys.

Jim
 
Wether you stay together or not depends on why you are about to get divorced. Most of the time, it is best to go your own ways, but never "NEVER" give up on the kids, try to be a man about it,don't get into the hate mode with your ex, hate is a big word, if she can be civil, you need to be also. Most times, they are not, women can be mean, vindictive, spiteful, and a man can be as bad.

THoughts and prayers are with you!
 
Most
of the time, it is
best to go your own
ways,



This kind of thinking is a major problem in our country right now.
 
Go see Fireproof at the movies. We went and saw it with some friends and I thought it was very good! The actors won't win any awards for performance but it had a great story. Good luck I hope you guys can work things out.
 
1911 has some good advice.If divorce is the easy way out,then forget about it.No matter what is going on(except cheating),commit yourself to work it out no matter what.We've been married 28 yrs.and have had some knock down drag out fights.Nobody said marriage was easy.It takes work. Sometimes you have to eat crow and not always be right.Start dating her again.Send her flowers,cards etc.Do special things for her.Treat her with honor and like she is the most important thing in the world to you.You might find yourselves falling in love again.I don't know if your religous or not,but God has kept us close and He works.Good luck and hope to hear it's working out.
 
If you & your wife are willing to try & work things out,do all you can to make that happen.If things are completely beyond repair,don't stay together JUST for the children.They will be able to feel the tension & 2 GOOD parents apart are much better then 2 fighting parents together.Good luck & I wish you & your family the best!
David
PS I've been there & did things the WRONG way!!!!!!!
 
>Get a good lawyer and be
>ready to pay up!
A good lawyer is sound advise IF the relationship is beyond repair.If both people still have some hope,a marriage counseler would be a better 1rst step!!!!!!!
David
 
I don't know the particular problems in your marriage, but I've seen several couples go to marriage counselors and the few that are able to work it out are the ones where both are willing to change. That is by far the best way to go for all, especially for the kids. When one or both are unwilling to change then you may as well pack out and get the best DIVORCE attorney you can find!
 
Squirel,
Stay strong! Marriage is one of the hardest things in life sometimes. As Frontier said, we don't know the partic problems in your marriage, but try everything under the sun to work it out for the kids. But if you get along better not living together, seperation may be the best alternitive. Don't fight in front of the kids, take deep breath's, and remember your kids are the best parts of you and your wife.
Divorce can get ugly. Depending on what type of person she is, hopefully it can be handled in a calm manner.
Try couples counceling, talking about issues that bother you both better,(I have found it best to say something like, I feel this or that. Not, you do this or that.
Go away together for some quality time. Find someone to watch the kids.
Today it is so much easier to give up rather than working through the issues. Keep your head up and try to leave issues about work out of the marriage, along with finances and such.
Open up to her calmly and hopefully she will do you the same courtecy.
Re-enforce to the kids how much you love them!
I'm not a marraige councler, but I've been around the block a time or two, and these suggestions worked for me.
Keep your chin up! I hope it all works out!
 
was in your boat back in 1987, gotta give credit where credit is due, GOD and prayer, it's easier to quite and start over, but it takes a man to stick with it, for your kids sake...

good book to read, "Love must be tuff" by Dr. Dobson

I'm now on my 28th year!
 
>my marrige is not looking to
>good any more it is
>looking like it probily wont
>last a hole lot longer
>im not sure what to
>do i have to wonderfull
>kids a boy that is
>6 and a 3 girl
>that is 3 i have
>ben married 11 years but
>i dont know. any one
>have some expertise im not
>sure what to do
 
Hey, squri,
Go see the movie ''Fireproof'', it's in the theaters now.it'll be helpfull and It could put thing in perspective for you.
 
Been there done that, married 15 years, two kids, divorce was painful especially on the checkbook !! Things do get better one way or another. Hard to believe but everything happens for a reason !! Gary
 
I have been the child in a divorce and right now I am in the middle of a divorce as I am the accountant that knows about their finances. I was most fortunate when my folks went their separate ways, the kids never got in the middle of it. They sheltered us from everything. They have and always will put us first. I am fortunate at this point that we have b-day parties, gatherings, etc. and they can all get together without any problems at all. They have moved on but both still get along. This is best case scenario in a divorce. Now for the accounting one. It is ugly, I mean ugly. The only people getting any benefit out of it, 1+ years down the road, is the attorneys. They are cleaning out all the money and when it is gone they will abandon ship and there will be nothing left and the divorce will still not be final. The kids are in the middle and have picked sides for one reason or another. Just worst case scenario. Very sad, in the end, no money, broken hearts, burned beyond belief relationship, kids despise both sides, house gone, the list goes on. Try and find a way to make it work for the sake of your children and yourself and your wife. Good luck and god bless.
 
If the both of you even have a small investment in making it work, you still can have a relationship good beyond anything you can imagine. I do a lot of marriage counseling by trade.

Even if one is about to give up, if he or she is willing to give some different approaches a fair shake, the marriage can be saved. Counseling isn't just about you staying together, its about making the relationship such that neither of you would want to even consider going seperate ways.

You've got 11 years invested. That shows commitment, tenacity, and--I expect--some real emotional investment in each other. Some important things may have got lost along the way, priorities misplaced...


Don't throw the towel in yet. Best wishes to you.
 
Totally aree with mmwb. Got divorced after 11 years, had three kids. Things deffinately don't get easier after the divorce...especially when kids are envolved. Do all you can to get in front of a good therapist and do everything you can to make it work. It is very hard to get used to writing checks and kids every other weekend if it doesn't work. It almost killed me. Then if you get remarried there is the whole step-family thing which is another huge challenge. Luckily now I am happily married with a happy step-family...but it took a lot of patients and therapy to get it that way. Good luck...I really hope things work out for you.
 

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