No, it's not what you are thinking. I'm not sure why I'm telling the story other than looking back on it now it seems kind of funny.
Last night the wife and I went to a store that sells outdoor hiking and climbing gear. With the weather warming up she wanted to get some new hiking shorts. So she finds a pair and decides to try them on. Before I go further into the story I gotta tell you about the changing rooms. Its a long rectangular unit centered in the middle of the store. As you walk in the entry there is a stall right in front of you and 3-4 to the left and 3-4 stalls to the right. The doors and the dividers between the stalls don't go to the floor or the ceiling. They are about 18 inches up from the ground. You?ve all seen em. So as you are standing in the entry you can see people?s feet and if you lean down and tilt your head you might be able to see up to their knees. Anyway, wife goes in and tries on some shorts while I'm wandering and waiting outside the changing area. A minute later she comes out and says she didn't like that pair. We look around, find another pair, she goes back inside and changes, I go look at some maps. Several minutes pass and I wonder why the heck she is still in there. So I'm standing in the entry and look to the left and see her feet 1 stall down. I figure this will be a good time to play a little prank and scare her. I go into the middle stall next to her and I look around. I consider trying to stand on the corner shelf, grab a clothing rack and pull myself up on top of the divider and look down into the stall, maybe grab her head or something. I think better of the idea, figuring the little shelf won't hold my weight. So then I think maybe I'll kneel down, look under the divider and in my best Jack Nicholson voice say ?Here?s Johnny?... like from the movie The Shining. Not sure why I nixed that idea but I'm very glad I didn't. I get down on one knee and reach under the divider and try to grab her foot. Hell yeah she was surprised. She shreiks/yells LOUDLY and says ?What the hell are you doing? You sick #@%!!!, are you some kind of pervert?. She said a few other things but I can't recall exactly what she said but I knew the tone. I knew instantly when she spoke I'd made a big mistake. You see.... that was NOT my wife?s voice. Oh crap, oh crap!!!! Before things got ballistic I tell her I thought she was my wife and try to explain things. Then I hear my wife?s voice from somewhere on the other side of the dressing room. ?Is than you hun??. ?Uhh, yes, come outside?. As I hurry out I'm instantly met by 3 store employees and I explain what had happened. I can see they are getting a kick out of it but I'm still in full panick mode and my heart is racing. A minute later the lady walks out and I start to explain for the second time what I was doing. She calms down right away and I can see her start to crack a smile a bit. Then my wife comes out and I start to explain again. She puts her hand over her eyes and tilts her head forward, shaking her head slowly. Anyway, the situation is diffused all the while 10-12 customers are staring. Geez I wanted to crawl back into the changing room. When I think its over, the store manager and 2 Barnie Fife mall cops show up out of nowhere. Where the heck did they come from? I have to explain the story yet again, thinking they are going to call the real cops. I'm getting scared. By this time the lady, my wife, some of the customers and a couple of the employees are giggling and getting a kick out of my embarassment. I cannot remember a time in my life being more red-faced. Anyway, nothing came of it. The lady actually shook my hand, laughed again and told me not to worry about it, and that she thought it was funny. She ended up being really cool. My wife.... well she hasn't fully come around yet and I'm sure she'll pass the story along to her friends and family and now, maybe now, the gas station incident will be forgotten. I'm such a dickweed.
Last night the wife and I went to a store that sells outdoor hiking and climbing gear. With the weather warming up she wanted to get some new hiking shorts. So she finds a pair and decides to try them on. Before I go further into the story I gotta tell you about the changing rooms. Its a long rectangular unit centered in the middle of the store. As you walk in the entry there is a stall right in front of you and 3-4 to the left and 3-4 stalls to the right. The doors and the dividers between the stalls don't go to the floor or the ceiling. They are about 18 inches up from the ground. You?ve all seen em. So as you are standing in the entry you can see people?s feet and if you lean down and tilt your head you might be able to see up to their knees. Anyway, wife goes in and tries on some shorts while I'm wandering and waiting outside the changing area. A minute later she comes out and says she didn't like that pair. We look around, find another pair, she goes back inside and changes, I go look at some maps. Several minutes pass and I wonder why the heck she is still in there. So I'm standing in the entry and look to the left and see her feet 1 stall down. I figure this will be a good time to play a little prank and scare her. I go into the middle stall next to her and I look around. I consider trying to stand on the corner shelf, grab a clothing rack and pull myself up on top of the divider and look down into the stall, maybe grab her head or something. I think better of the idea, figuring the little shelf won't hold my weight. So then I think maybe I'll kneel down, look under the divider and in my best Jack Nicholson voice say ?Here?s Johnny?... like from the movie The Shining. Not sure why I nixed that idea but I'm very glad I didn't. I get down on one knee and reach under the divider and try to grab her foot. Hell yeah she was surprised. She shreiks/yells LOUDLY and says ?What the hell are you doing? You sick #@%!!!, are you some kind of pervert?. She said a few other things but I can't recall exactly what she said but I knew the tone. I knew instantly when she spoke I'd made a big mistake. You see.... that was NOT my wife?s voice. Oh crap, oh crap!!!! Before things got ballistic I tell her I thought she was my wife and try to explain things. Then I hear my wife?s voice from somewhere on the other side of the dressing room. ?Is than you hun??. ?Uhh, yes, come outside?. As I hurry out I'm instantly met by 3 store employees and I explain what had happened. I can see they are getting a kick out of it but I'm still in full panick mode and my heart is racing. A minute later the lady walks out and I start to explain for the second time what I was doing. She calms down right away and I can see her start to crack a smile a bit. Then my wife comes out and I start to explain again. She puts her hand over her eyes and tilts her head forward, shaking her head slowly. Anyway, the situation is diffused all the while 10-12 customers are staring. Geez I wanted to crawl back into the changing room. When I think its over, the store manager and 2 Barnie Fife mall cops show up out of nowhere. Where the heck did they come from? I have to explain the story yet again, thinking they are going to call the real cops. I'm getting scared. By this time the lady, my wife, some of the customers and a couple of the employees are giggling and getting a kick out of my embarassment. I cannot remember a time in my life being more red-faced. Anyway, nothing came of it. The lady actually shook my hand, laughed again and told me not to worry about it, and that she thought it was funny. She ended up being really cool. My wife.... well she hasn't fully come around yet and I'm sure she'll pass the story along to her friends and family and now, maybe now, the gas station incident will be forgotten. I'm such a dickweed.
