AZStickman
Moderator
- Messages
- 2,371
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked
him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you
last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
****
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV. I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's how the fight
started.....
****
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds. I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started.....
****
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed
my heart to see her facemelt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the
kitchen?' And that's when the fight started....
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she
answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone
a friend.' And that's when the fight started....
****
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when
the fight started....
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said,
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....
****
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight
started....
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the20garage. I hooked up the boat to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled
up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's
how the fight started....
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's
my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split
up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My
God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?' And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and Little things just seem funny? Yeah, well
I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' So, I looked down a t
him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight
started.....
Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked
him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you
last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
****
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV. I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's how the fight
started.....
****
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds. I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started.....
****
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed
my heart to see her facemelt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the
kitchen?' And that's when the fight started....
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she
answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone
a friend.' And that's when the fight started....
****
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when
the fight started....
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said,
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....
****
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight
started....
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the20garage. I hooked up the boat to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled
up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's
how the fight started....
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's
my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split
up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My
God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?' And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and Little things just seem funny? Yeah, well
I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' So, I looked down a t
him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight
started.....
